today i want to share a little bit about one of my personal struggles, comparison.
what i have learned about comparison is: it will consume, it will cripple and it will destroy. i’ve really learned that in three areas of my life.
comparison consumes me when it comes to my physical appearance. ever since i can remember i have compared the way i look to every other person in real life or on tv or in a magazine. i’ve actually not become friends with people because they were “too pretty” and i felt insecure around them. i have looked at myself with hate simply because i didn’t look as pretty, thin, blonde, brunette, blue-eyed, green-eyed, hazel-eyed, curvy, softer skin, longer hair, manicured nails, less freckled, more freckled and so on, as every other person i’ve seen. the first thing i do when i meet someone is compare myself with them physically. this thought literally consumes me “am i as ______ as they are”. but eventually i have to say enough is enough. i cannot allow my thoughts to be filled with worry that every other person is more _____ than myself. because the more i allow those thoughts the more crippling comparison becomes. that brings me to my second point.
comparison cripples me in my talents and gifting. wanna hear a sad thing, i have turned down so many opportunities to try things simply because “someone else is better at it than i am”. when i hear a great singer i immediately compare my singing ability to them. and if i think they are better than me (which is more often than not) i won’t sing because, they are better than me. i actually remember being little and it was my church christmas play and my best friend and i wanted to try out for the same role in the play. and i decided that i didn’t want to be in the play anymore because “i felt like behind the scenes work was more my thing” (which is not true, i love being in front of people), the truth was i thought my friend was a better actor than me and i’d rather just not try at all than try and get turned down. unfortunately i did this many more times since that christmas play. when you are constantly comparing yourself to others there will always be more talented, funnier, better, more gifted people than yourself but does that mean you don’t try?
finally my third point. comparison destroys my relationship. two years ago i started dating the most amazing guy, seven months ago this guy proposed to me. and in seven more months we will be getting married! it has been the most incredible joy-filled experiences of my life. only one thing has truly hindered this happiness. comparison. see when i am with kyle i think i am the luckiest girl in the world, i have never met a more compassionate, considerate, caring, gentle, strong, protective, funny, attractive guy in my life. until… i’m with other people who tell me about how their fiance proposed, or what their boyfriend did for them on their birthday, or until i watch a movie and for some reason kyle doesn’t act like all these other guys (nor should he by the way). then i become unsatisfied, and if i am not careful, unhappy with my relationship. suddenly that amazing gift that he got me for my birthday seems a little less amazing, or my stunning engagement ring seems a little less sparkly all because someone else’s ring seems so much more carefully picked out or their proposal story seems more magical. and here is where the real danger of comparison lies.
see comparison seems enticing, it seems harmless, it almost seems innocent, until suddenly you are left so unsatisfied with your life because “the grass always seems greener on the other side” until you get there and someone else’s “grass” seems even more green, and you can spend your whole life chasing after these things that seem so much more ____ (you fill in the blank with what you’re chasing after) but you will never reach it until you learn to enjoy the present and enjoy what it is you have. or you will waste your entire life away chasing after something that truly does not exist.
my hope for both myself and all of you is that we will learn that we are enough just the way we are, that we are beautiful, that we are talented, and that movies aren’t real (sorry ladies but life isn’t actually like the notebook). because only when you stop comparing yourself with everyone else can you truly learn to appreciate the uniqueness of yourself. because it’s that uniqueness that makes you the most beautiful, amazing, talented, best version of yourself.
a little message from my heart to yours